May 19, 2002
The Sum Of All Fears

They honest to god blew up Baltimore’s football stadium with a fucking nuclear bomb in this movie. I was terrified. Other than that there isn’t much to say about this movie. Oh well there was one character named Clark, played by Liev Schreiber who had most of the good lines in the movie and was an assassin/reconnoitering spy for the US. Sadly he wasn’t in much of the movie. And I liked Morgan Freeman but of course he had to die in the nuclear bomb explosion. Ben Affleck is still a cutie patootie but I don’t know how much that says about his acting abilities. (hee. To be honest, he wasn’t bad.) And lastly this movie was verrrrra long. And I had already seen 2 movies in the theatre prior to this one so I was getting a little tired.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 18, 2002
Scooby Doo

Bright colors. Flashy lights. Little to no substance. But did I like it? Of course I did. It wasn’t great but it was funny. And even this had a better plot than the Bourne Identity. And Matthew Lillard, whom I have never had much confidence in for acting ability (see Wing Commander in particular), was actually one of the best things about this movie. Go figure.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 17, 2002
The Bourne Identity

They removed the antagonist of the book from the movie. I was shocked. I mean I thought the book was stupid and incredibly full of trite phrases, but I had to admit that it still had a better plot than the movie. Mainly due to the fact that the movie followed no discernible plot and all the actions were completely unmotivated by reality. Why was the gov’t after him? No apparent reason. He did not get shot in the head so why did he have the wicked retharded memory loss? No real justification. All in all it was bewildering and unnecessarily complicated. And I was horrified (yes horrified) because Matt Damon is always seeming (to me) to be an actor who really, really is in it for the acting. The good scripts, plots, direction, etc. But in this he has deeply failed me. Then again All the Pretty Horses was pretty godawful too. (but then what do you expect from something billy bob thornton is involved in.) Admittedly however, MD looked fantastic. With the buffness and the sexy shirts and the kung fu kicking action. And Franka Potente is almost too adorable for words when she does that little tentative smiling thing with half her mouth before it blooms into this big smile that makes you smile back at her. Love that girl. Love her. (for those of you who liked Run Lola Run/Franka be sure to see The Princess and the Warrior because it is great and she is super sweet in it.)

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 16, 2002

Ahhhhhh!!!! It was so bad!! So very, very bad. Listening to the audio commentary with L.L. Cool J going, “Yeah. All right. Here comes the man. Yeah yeah yeah. All right.” Fake rapping. I wanted to spew. And the action sequences were so confined by their stupid roller-rink that it was a pity to watch them. And the acting. And the miserable failed attempt of a plot. All so tedious and hideous and upsetting me. And also Jason. Poor Jason. Who was forced to watch this. I am so sorry Mr. Shamai. So very sorry. I am the dirty whore next door.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 15, 2002
Psycho Beach Party

Holy shit. The writing. The so obvious attempt to be a cult classic and skipping any effort to be mainstream. The absurdity of it all. I almost died. I swear I was squirming so hard with laughter and restrained hilarity and fright that at one point I actually fell off the couch at Kim’s house. With lines such as “I’ve had hairy man balls since I was 8.” And a graphic description by Xander, XANDER NO LESS, of himself receiving a blowjob this movie didn’t have to work too hard to make me fall desperately in love with it. The refusal of Kristen to see it hurts me deeply because I am so very much enamoured of it. But she’ll get over that someday. And then maybe she will appreciate its brilliant nuances too. Yes, brilliant nuances, Kim, Nuala, and Erica, yes.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 14, 2002
Bubble Boy

This movie starts out with a bang. A punching out biscuits in the shape of the fishy thing with “Jesus” written inside bang. And it only gets better. Not to mention Jake Googly-moogly (not to be confused with Christina A-googly) is quite possibly the most adorable thing ever, and an incredible actor to boot. My fave rave thing about this movie is…perhaps when the Bubble boy strums out some heavy rock version of the Land of the Lost theme song. Or maybe when Fabio says, “Let’s move on to the buffet.” Possibly really it’s just his saying “buffet.” Gets me every time. Or the mom’s bedtime scary ass stories, such as: “and then Rapunzel left her plastic bubble and died. The end.” And “the Prince touched the filthy whore next door and died. The end.” I’m telling you. It’s good stuff. If you haven’t seen it, come to my house and make me watch it again. I won’t mind.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 13, 2002
Dude whereïs my car?

This movie is fucking brilliant. I mean, I know it’s dumb. That the plot is dumb, the actors are actually dumb (over the top Giovanni). And the writing is dumb. And cinematically it has nothing to offer in the way of interest or breakthrough. But it is just so goddamm funny that I love it anyway. Any movie that can take as its premise the end of the world being aborted due to two stoners who can’t find their car is pretty fucking sweet in my book. With lines such as, “Dude where’s my car?” “Where’s your car, dude?” “Dude, where’s my car” “Where’s your car, dude?” Ah the scintallating conversation that just goes on and on and fucking on. I scream with laughter. Even though it’s not really all that funny. Something about stupidity appeals to me I guess. Maybe I gots a little of the Giovanni in me too. And maybe I just like the pretty colors, flashy lights, and cute boys.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 12, 2002
Divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood

So good! The acting was superb. Now if only the man they had gotten to play Sandra Bullock’s fiancée had been just a leeeettttle hotter. I mean he was hot, don’t get me wrong. Austrailian accents will do that for a fella, but he could have been so much HOTTER. Sigh. I was very disillusioned. About what? I have no idea.

Anyway, southern culture on the rocks (an apt way of putting it considering how much alcohol they drank.) I really should read the book to compare because I’m kind of curious if I would like the Vivi character more or less. I really want to like her more.

When we left the theatre I actually bemoaned the fact to my mother that she didn’t beat me enough in my childhood because if she had then perhaps I could be a published playwright already with things being produced on stages. She laughed at me and said it was never too late.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 11, 2002

Crappy dialogue. And yeah I get the whole melodramatic writing is all a part of comic books. But I think my dislike of it just proves hwo much I really don’t like comic books. Which probably also corresponds to my gi-normous dislike of “unbreakable.” My point here I think is that they could have made it a really good movie adaptation of a comic book while AT THE SAME TIME having decent dialogue. Apparently however this is just too much to ask.
On the other hand. Tobey and Kirsten. Good god. Such cuties. And did anyone else see the MTV movie awards spoof of it? Jack black and Sarah Michele Geller kissing. Ahhhhhh…..not quite as sexy perhaps to some, but if you’ve recently developed a jack black obsession as I have then it’s pretty damn appealing. Equally crappy dialogue in the spoof though really. Buffy actually said, “looks like I’ve found myself a co-host.” But she delivered it with such relish that I managed to gag my gag reflex.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 10, 2002
Monsoon wedding

Any movie where they randomly star singing Indian pop music has got to be good.
Also though surprisingly this movie had some very adult themes, such as incest/rape of a child by her uncle, which I was not expecting, and which were, I think, handled really well in their exposure and their conclusion. In addition I have to say that it is sublime how Indian filmmakers utilize color in their movies. It’s soo gorgeous and adds a lovely richness to the viewing experience.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 09, 2002
Importance of being earnest

Not as good as the book. What do you expect though I guess? Ideal husband made by the same people wasn’t nearly as good either. Very sad. Because it COULD be so good. Such wasted potential makes me sad. I was a little fascinated by the fact that they showed Lady Bracknell as having been a showgirl/prostitute on the London stage. Such liberties. But in a way it was kind of an awesome liberty to take. By giving her a “past” they gave her character (one of the shallowest in the play) an added depth that set her further apart from the others. Also cecily’s daydreaming sequences were masterfully done and, I felt, aptly illustrated the repressed imagination of a girl in that time period.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 08, 2002
Undercover brother

Basically the extreme absurdity of this movie worked in it’s favor brilliantly. There are so many random occurances that have absolutely no basis in reality or further the plot line in any way shape or form. Suspension of belief was called for and I complied to my utmost. If they wanted to have him suddenly be wearing funky clothes in replace of the j crew ones while flying through a window—I was good with that. If he wanted to swerve his car all over the place and have his orange crush be the center of the axis undisturbed by motion—I was merely impressed and eager to drive like that myself. And if a tumbleweed rolled across at the showdown on a gorgous island with no real plants—well that was just fine and dandy.
Also the fact that within the first 2 minutes of the movie his windshield got shat upon and the little flying man in my head screamed “I’m gonNNNAAA POOOOOOPPP ON IT!” was pretty fucking beautiful, let me tell you.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM
May 07, 2002
Life as a house
Holy Christ. Is pretty much what I was thinking to myself while watching this movie. First off I was totally unaware of the cancer theme in it. So that was a bit of a shock. I mean mainly I was just watching it because of my newest infatuation with Christian haydenson. And boy oh boy did he fulfill my expectations. You know how watching star wars you’re like holy shit this is awful. Is he really that bad? And especially if you’ve seen him in that horrendous family drama, “higher ground” wherein he was the most whiny teenager I’ve ever had the misfortune of watching ( I say that now, but just wait till I have a teenager of my own. IF I have a teenager of my own. Ever.) ahem back to my point. Which was that in “life as a house” haydenson blew me out of the water. He was actually amazingly good! I was so impressed. And of course Kevin Kline and Kirsten Scott-Thomas were fantastic. On the whole even though it was incredibly depressing and a little too close to home (well except my father didn’t try to build a house….though there was that whole shed thing), a very very good movie, one which I would actually like to own.
Posted by gene_wood at 12:00 PM
May 06, 2002
Star Wars: clone wars attack (possible spoilers)

Oh god what can I say? It was so amazing and at the same time so awful. You know how all Star Wars movies have the really cheesy elements: dialogue, scene transitions, etc? It had all of that in droves. But personally the thing which appeals to me the most about a Star Wars film is exactly that hackneyed writing style and 70’s kitsch. The originals came out in the 70’s after all and there’s just something so appealing and nostalgic about watching something that beautifully awful that makes me really, really completely happy.

However, in addition to the bad-good things there were some really good-good things. Prime examples being the Yoda-Dooku fight sequence. The little kiss on the cheek that Padme gives Anakin when he kills the tiger beast in the pit and pulls her up behind him on his fat lizard beast. Obi wan Kenobi. Really anything he did. I swear to god. Ewan Mcgregor is god. So really I’m swearing to him here. Holy shit but he’s brilliant. And gorgeous even with a partial mullet (oh god the hair). Natalie Portman. Primarily in backless, gorgeous flowing gowns. And telling a really poorly planned story about losing her virginity to Anakin. Necessary? Definitely not. But adorable? Oh yes. The almost complete absence of Jar Jar Binks was not half bad either. And getting to see Luke and Leia’s adoptive parents in their younger versions was fascinating. Really getting to see a lot of things when you already know what’s going to happen later was pretty great. Watching Obi-wan and Anakin is bittersweet when you know that eventually Anakin is going to kill Obi-wan. And that Padme will die. And that Yoda will die. And even that Anakin/Darth Vader will die. I saw the plans for the Death Star but I still do not understand the Darth Sidious/Palpatine connection completely. Lucas is holding out on us for the 3rd one, which let me tell you is going to have to be fucking amazing. With this leading up to it and knowing the final four installments, a lot of shit is going to have to go down in Episode 3. And I, for one, cannot WAIT to see it.

I am going to see Episode 2 again next week. So I will try to have another installment for this with a little more technical detail.

Shit, did anyone else notice that Jar Jar, the worst character ever to grace the screen of course, had one good catch phrase? A catch phrase which I know some of us (Kristen) already know, use, and love? He said “muy, muy.” He did! Muy muy! Muy muy grande! Muy muy …..piccolo. or however that is spelled. There was some other really good line…..hmmm no memory of it now. However let us make a count of C-3PO bad one liners. How many actual puns did he spew? 2. How many more could be taken as puns? 2. How many other just really bad lines which were not puns, nor good, nor anything but really really bad? All of them! Yes! It’s a little weird how only Obi Wan gets good lines. It confuses me. But I think it’s not so much that he is the only one with semi-decent lines, as it is that he is the only one who manages to deliver his lines with anything even closely resembling flair.

What else can I say? Well I guess I can say that Jacob just cleared up the Palpatine/Sidious thing. With the obvious truth that I already knew but had briefly discarded because of something the ain’t it cool spoiler man said about the uncut version he saw which made it seem as if the two were really two different people or personalities flip sides if you will. One bogus theory discarded I guess.

I guess all else I really have to say is that for the naysayers out there who say George Lucas is raping our childhood (well #1 what childhood? Who among us was born when these started coming out? Clingers to the holy trinity we are. Whatever) but the thing is other than more special effects these episodes are the same as the other ones. All the same cheesy things are done. The writing is still heavy-handed with as little actual dialogue as possible to get all the main points across. All the acting is done by facial expressions and let’s face it some actors are better at this than others. Some of them just let the words slide off their tongues like regurgitated pasta noodles. And if that’s no good, well then, it’s no good. I think we can all agree.

Gene’s called now so I have to go! More later.

More later I promised. But I am apparently a liar. 1) because it’s taken me this long to write again. And 2) because currently I have nothing new to say. Blah. Onto other reviews.

Posted by michele at 12:00 PM