March 17, 2003
agent cody banks

don't laugh. i really did go see this. what can i say? i'm a sucker for 16 year olds. sadly the ratio of retards in that theatre to actual 16 year olds was excessively weighted.

this movie. i don't know what it is about frankie muniz. but i think the problem could be that he's not aging well. i mean, on malcom in the middle, he was cute, right? but now he looks like they're plastering him with orangish tan matte purifying makeup and he looks kind of dirty and....bad most of the time. this could be in some small part due to the fact that he is constantly actually getting dirty while doing spy activities in this movie. and beaten up. but still.

they had lots of absurd gadgets. not as many as spy kids. but there were these stand up scooters things that everyone in the CIA rolled around on at the headquarters. adults, mind you. it was like saying, "children become CIA agents at this training summer camp in order to grow up and be CIA agents so they can remain children and play with toys." valuable lesson learned about the state of our secret society of protectors. good job, guys.

his "handler"/partner angie harmon was hot. and jeez were they ever stuffing her bra. it was amazing.

hillary duff sucks. apparently she also sings though. cause there was this preview for this movie coming out soon with her and an italian boy and being a famous european pop singing duo. it looks incredibly dumb. i'll probably see it.

this was amusing. and not half bad. watching the kid do martial arts was fun. and arnold vosloo the mummy in the BEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME, the mummy and the mummy returns, wandering around being evil in shiny, silver, velvet jogging suits was fun.

Posted by michele at 09:39 AM
old school

so admittedly this movie was not good. the jokes were generally gross. the romance angle was pathetic. the value system was skewed. but you know what? luke wilson is fucking good to look at. and vince vaughn is a comedic timing genius of a god. the man throws his lines out there with this serious expression even when it's just telling his kid, "earmuffs" so he can swear. that poor kid.

the thing is though that i laughed a whole bunch in this movie. serious amusing laughter. i have no fucking clue now what the hell i was laughing at because the whole thing was such utter fluff that it was pretty forgettable. but it must have been funny because i laughed and enjoyed it.

plus it was a matinee. so cheap. except for how i paid for my brother too. making it less cheap.

Posted by michele at 09:24 AM
March 13, 2003
blue lagoon duo

the blue lagoon

naked brooke sheilds. like the whole movie. holy shit. i mean you see pubic hair. and penises. you see those too.

furthermore they're COUSINS. and they have a baby. which, you know, is fine. whatever. it's just that is seems a little odd for a movie of the late 20th century. but whatever. i'm fine with cousins having sex. i'm even fine with them having a baby as long as thier children don't have babies together. but it's just a little risque of a topic, one would think, for hollywood. and the director of grease no less.

at the end they get found in thier little dinghy by the father/uncle and are taken back to civilization.

return to the blue lagoon

milla jovovich naked. only not completely naked. she's always got bottoms on. very small bottoms. but still. and the guy from charmed. the angel/husband/father one. ha ha ha! so young. although really not the 14/17 year olds they're pretending to be.

at the beginning of this one: the two from the first one are found by a random ship and are already dead, but the kid is still alive. and then he and the girl and her mom get re-shipwrecked on the same island (only it's really not the same island cause they filmed somewhere else.) mind you the dead guys are also not cousins in this one.

and this one ends with them staying on the island and away from civilization and its "guns."

furthermore the tagline in the preview (special features) was "out of innocence comes the most sensual love of all." oh good lord.

they also have a wonderful sex talk thing where the mom takes out a mango and a zucchini looking thing and a knife and it looks like she's going to hollow out the mango and demonstrate with the zucchini. but then she just says they lie very close together and that's it. cop out.


what does it say that in 1980 there was a conclusion that returning to civilization was good. and in 1991 civilization was bad? does it reflect world events? or were the moviemaker in charge people just being facetious? heh. either way, other than starting at how gorgeous milla is and how naked they are constantly in the first one, these movies are terrible.

Posted by michele at 10:11 AM
March 06, 2003

i saw signs again recently when i was sick and i have to say that upon second viewing my faith in m night shymalan has actually been restored. all of the issues i had before were blown away by the sheer amazing writing (not that it's good and not that it's bad but because it's so ORDINARY which is AMAZING), directing, and cinematography. sure the alien still looks stupid, but whatever i can get past that. and most importantly the huge gripe that we all had with it became as flax in the breeze because the whole aliens coming to take over our planet and its resources WASN'T WHY THEY CAME AT ALL. that's one of the theories mentioned in the middle of the movie but at the end it comes out that really the aliens only came to earth to harvest some humans and take them away again. so the whole, "what the hell this is dumb why would aliens take over a planet made up of mostly a liquid which kills them?" detraction is kind of moot. my point is: try watching it again and you might really appreciate the understated elegance of it all. or you could agree with ian and still think it sucked ass. i'm almost tempted to watch unbreakable again which i DESPISED because maybe it's better on a second viewing too.

Posted by michele at 09:09 AM